Through much of my journey with melanoma, I take each day as it comes! There have been many tests this year particularly with planning a wedding and what the traditional sense of a wedding means that I battled with and I found that my usual vigour of living each day really hit some emotional roadblocks. To be honest, future planning is something that I try not to really concentrate on. My mind functions on 3 weekly periods, and getting from one treatment to the next, anything outside of that I start pushing to the sidelines, as in my mind it does not require my immediate attention and due to that reason I do not like to give myself any unnecessary cause for anxiety. It’s how I function. Everyone functions differently but for me this is what works.
Than came the purchase of our new home, far less stressful than a wedding I can assure you, it has and continues to be a really organic transition to something that both Ant and I love. And that naughty little hound of ours! It is a place that we can really truly love and nurture as our own. A house for many I believe means building a future but for me it has always been a place that we (Ant and I) can feel safe and content in and a place that we can grow immediate memories together.
This year has been a huge year for us! And to list off all the amazing moments where life really has dished out the goods would distract from what I really want to share with you today… and that is… a little friend by the name of N.E.D. has come to town!
He really likes to go by the name of “no evidence of disease” and sometimes he even likes to go by a “complete response to the drug” to the best my medical team are able to determine from yesterday’s scans!
I am so grateful that my oncologist understands that a long wait until next week is sometimes more unbearable than the process itself! I went into these scans yesterday feeling pretty good, the best I have about any scan to date. Why? I don’t know! In my mind I have been conscious that things had been going good and why shouldn’t they continue to. At the same time, I am a bit of realist when it comes to everything about my cancer, likely because in my 34 years on this earth I have had cancer in my life for a third of it. You start to get use to nit-picking the good news and often you become even more resilient with every blow you receive.
Today, I look back to my diagnosis when I was a little traveller living in the United Kingdom receiving news that I had a thick melanoma to where we are now in 2015 finally receiving a N.E.D. for Advanced Metastatic Melanoma. I honestly think this leap is incredible!!! Today I celebrate the advances that have allowed me the possibility of knowing that right now, at this minute, there is no active cancer that we can detect in my body and for me this is news I honestly never knew if I would hear in my fragile life.
When I have my consult and treatment on Wednesday, I will discuss the process going forward with my ‘treatment plan’ but I know in my heart that I will continue on this treatment path for a little while yet, until I feel comfortable with the “what next” and further research and evidence has been received so that my team and I can make the informed decisions going forward.
For now N.E.D. can stay for dinner, and maybe… just maybe I’ll let him stay with me FOREVER!
With love, light and gratitude xx
Photo by The PhotoBooth Collective